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Commit

A strong meaning. Sometimes quite a daunting stepping stone. 

I find a few issues arise when thinking of commitment. It intensifies feelings you’re maybe not ready for. To commit to any promise means giving of yourself without holding back. Absolute belief in the object of your committing is vital. This doesn’t mean you won’t have second thoughts, that’s possible and not necessarily a bad thing. It won’t always mean you can’t commit to said promise, it may be that some things are more difficult or become more difficult as time goes on. 

Like relationships, they require hard work, yet someone doesn’t always feel the urge to stay or live with the same level of commitment. Its quite a challenge to commit to a business you’re building if financially its course seems hard and current outcomes aren’t what you envisaged. 

This month, the 19th of June, we celebrated our 1st year anniversary as Simply Home – Made. Its been quite a journey, sometimes I tend to tread in area’s that we aren’t yet ready for simply because I insist we can. I believe if we push boundaries, throw ourselves in the deep-end so to speak, it affirms our thirst for growth, resilience, a fearlessness for new trends or techniques, though we are still very lacking in the financial department. I put this down to “buyers fear”, pictures sometimes don’t speak a thousand words, though there is no lack of flavour, aesthetic appeal or cost effectiveness or competitive lustre. People sometimes just prefer sticking to vendors whom they know and trust. 

Also, there exists an unseen, yet subtle amount of envy between vendors, they are only willing to endorse themselves, perhaps there exists an invisible “clique”. Never liked clique’s. Always seemed untrustworthy a term. Almost like a Hollywood movie, where the popular well established financially sound perfect smiling faces seethe at the audacity of a newbie or rather a ” I prefer wearing my old blue jeans” kinda team. We like grassroots, we like our own space, we like shaping our own destiny. We are thriving inwardly, we can almost take care of our families needs, whilst stocking up on inventory, though small.

We don’t expect riches, nor popularity. We do however commit ourselves to continue our journey until the glow of light that motions us in the morning, finds its place in the sun, under the umbrella of opportunity that persists its knocking in our hearts for we have laid our foundation, we have planted a number of seeds and when the good Lord says its time, we shall carry on through the next avenue of our journey. 

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Sunday

​ So glad the guys taught the gals how to braai from a young age. Usually my son’s or Richard braai’ We share the boys tasks here, so I’ve got my apron & tongs, enjoying the sunshine. Richard is screeding the front in readiness for the gates! 

 It’s Hot!

Love to enjoy this, especially with the family. Plans for Christmas – a traditional Braai with the family.

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Anticipation

​https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/anticipation/

I’ve been waiting awhile to go on strike again. The whole countries doing it, so can I.

I have a movement in our home.It’s called ” when you all don’t listen, I stay in my head”. I then go on to sit in bed and do absolutely nothing pertaining to homelife. 

There is always excitement in the air when we have an order.

 I have a lovely KitKat Cake & Cupcakes in a Blue theme for Friday.

So I will focus my energy on hopefully fulfilling and satisfying, my craving to create.

The build up in anticipation leaves a tingling sensation in my fingers, which lasts until a day or two after an order has been collected.

I hope the anticipation doesn’t launch me into orbit, too far to reach my long-term goal of this becoming more than a ” once in awhile” we have an order thing.

It’s like an anticlimax-  the fast becoming  disappointing end to what was a wonderful series of events.

This is how I feel of late, a constant anticlimax has settled on our home, it used to be our sanctuary….now….these walls are closing in and sucking the flair out of our world. It is a dismal landscape on which to build a food adventure, let alone a family who has to pretend everything’s okay. It is a beautiful facade one can create in your mind, but when your heart starts feeling different, well the cracks start to show. The unravelling is quick, you feel alone….the only anticipation you have left is, how will it end when it does?

 

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Sincere, the option

3rd November 2016

 I was thinking about alota things the day this prompt was suggested..

 It was my baby Elijah’s 3rd Birthday. I planned a cake for the weekend. The Minion Cake Jade and I made, already posted on this site.

This blog is like a diary, yes, I know diaries are private, but I prefer writing my thoughts here. I actually value the fact that other’s possibly read my posts and it links me to their ideas, thoughts, reasoning.

 “When you speak to someone about your thoughts, often they listen with half an ear.”

 I am very different from, yet have much comman ground with my circle. I am night always to their day. I am dark always to their light. I am their air, they draw life out of me.

I am a useful asset and can be traded in at anytime, much like a cell phone that can be upgraded. 

 I know nothing of mechanics or physics.

 I know only of my love for humanity. My craving for justice. My relentless will for change to assert itself. My heart, my feelings which nourish me. My innate guide, who warns me of sorts to certain things that are to come. It is often scary, but I’m rarely afraid. My threshold of faith is high

My guiding light is sincerity.

 I’ve always appreciated the feeling it gives. It is sadly missing today, here in this cage she finds herself. Sincere people are hard to come across, like a species reaching extinction.

 The world is divided between the “I” and the “We”, at least that’s how I see it….

 I want. I am. I will. I think. I can.

We can’t. We won’t. We shouldn’t. We could’ve.  We tried. We failed.

We don’t seem to act collectively. We don’t live alongside each other. We walk pass each other. We come together if it’s OK and when it’s not we pluck out the arrows and focus our blame. We give up fast. We act in haste. We analyse and over procure the values we were taught at home, when kids still learnt from their fathers knee, the acts that make us callous and those that make us kind…

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Is there a Mother? 

Aromatic

This very delicate Role has been discussed, negotiated, justified, debated for decades, I speak under correction. Mother’s are not easy to come by. Some women are naturals. Some dread it. Some decide against it, some grow into it. Some totally rock it.

My own mother was a work in progress during her early years of motherhood.  I think some just are. I am grateful she is. My mom and I didn’t always get along, maybe it was my teenage rebellion, possibly I didn’t understand her synergy. Ultimately, it proved to be an important archive into which I could delve time and time again in my own journey as a mother.

 My mother could never be replaced by another woman, I’ve always said. In the event of her passing before my Da’, I would have to get used to him been with someone, who he may possibly take as he’s wife.

Having said that, I would never want either of my folks to be lonely and sacrifice companionship or love or passion because my siblings or I were selfish. Though I do hope when the dreadful day comes, they will not suffer grief forever at been physically parted.

My husband passed away 14 years ago and I have to admit, I didn’t think deeply of how my son’s would feel were I to take another partner.

It didn’t take long to happen, me dating. My family were concerned, but never intrusive.

I have had some bad experiences with guys but my family has always rallied around me to help scoop up the pieces of my broken heart.

My boys are young men now and falling inlove at their own pace. We have solid grounding, though I have yet to wake up feeling like I’m the best Mom ever.

I have a very supportive and loving family. We’ve had our ups and downs but could never want to be without each other.

Other than that we love that we’ve made homes with our own families and can’t wait to catch up when we have a chance.

Now flip the coin and let me welcome you to my world, with my partner of 5 years, his 2 children from he’s late wife and our youngest, Elijah now 3.

 I met him on a Saturday, 5th November after he awoke from a day of of partying. We experienced a feeling that was unexplainable, except to say, we didn’t want to be apart. Everything happened very quickly. I fell pregnant with our first about 3 months later.

She didn’t survive, was born and died 29th June 2012 and now resides on Jade’s Dresser in a wooden box. 

She was beautiful, she was born with anencephaly. I hadn’t even heard of this defect. I will never forget being in labour for a week and not knowing it until pain woke up my brain. The Dr. examined me in admissions and my water burst forth and she slipped with ease out of my body. Neither will I forget the look on the DR’s face that immediately alerted  me to a problem. She died awhile later, blind, beautiful, a soft skull and my mother’s lips.

I only agreed to see her at my families behest, later that day. She was snuggly wrapped up. She had black long hair, really long hair. She looked like my dad’s youngest sister Estelle. It was a very sad day for me. My family arranged a funeral and she was spared from the hospital’s waste disposal.  My partners family hated me being a part of his life. They spread vicious lies. They said the worst things possible, they felt relieved that she died so we would part ways.

 We are still together and it has been horrible. I am stubborn, I like rules and order. I don’t like constant drunkenness and endless partying. I like to be the woman in the house. The mother, caregiver, wife, handyman, nurse, teacher, confidant, etc.

He is a party animal, absent father, bully, irresponsible man, who doesn’t do as he promise’s and disappoints at the drop of a hat. He has not even tried to be a “better” man  than he was when he’s late wife had to suffer the same for most of married life. Tiny memories remain, except of the imaginary.

 He’s family are vile, immoral, disrespectful, vulgar, deceitful people who I cannot bring myself to engage with unless it’s for short periods of time. There are a few who I can get on with, but don’t really see and themselves are at odds with the indifference, cruelty and malice prevalent in their relationships with each other. Some care more for popularity and personal gain. Some prefer keeping to themselves. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

 I am in the precarious situation of growing into motherhood throughout this time. I met a 16 yr old slip of a girl and a very candid 9 yr old boy, brother and sister bereaved the earlier part of 2011 when their mom succumbed to cancer.

I didn’t mind Xavier’s honesty, but it did hurt me when he laughingly told me in front of others, the horrid things that were been said about me.

 I has a sense of foreboding, when I got my first weekend with Jade, soon after we’d met. I’d heard stories of and did experience myself where a daughter didn’t want another woman around her father.

I didn’t need to worry. Both of ” my  children” from another mother, have been together with my older son’s, the most supportive, encouraging, loving, honest & inspiring offspring every mother would be proud of.

I do however wish that the very aromatic personalities and spirit that makes up my partners extended family would stop murdering my reputation and credibility as partner to a man whom I love deeply and as a “mother ” to the the two young people who have made me theirs, without question, without doubt, with courage  and complete trust in a woman who never takes time for granted. Aromatic balance is important in every pot, no matter how big or small. No matter how humble the meal, no matter how many times you hit a hurdle…..

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